Some things are too long for a facebook status.

So I found out blogging just isn't for me. This isn't really a blog post. Its me using it to write an extremely long facebook post :) A good friend of mine sent me an email recently asking what was going on with me because I had been on her heart. I love her, and how her spirit is so sensitive to what God is saying to her. When she asks me questions like this it is always good for me. Unless she asks I rarely am able to put to words what I have been learning unless I need to try to explain it. So, thanks, friend. What I am about to share is how I put to words what is up with me. I rarely share personal things on facebook because for the most part I am a very private person when it comes to matters of the heart. This subject is deeply personal, but I still feel compelled to share in the hope that it can encourage someone else that is experiencing something similar. I must confess, often when I pray, I don't hear much of an answer. This week was different. I got two really clear answers, and that is what I would like to share. The conversation with God went something like this: "God, WHY did you give me a body that doesn't work as it should?! Why me of all people did you give THIS problem to?" The answer came swiftly. "I gave you a body that works right in lots of ways." Oh. That's right. I am not handicapped. I am able to care for my family even when my medication isn't right, or if I am not on the right prescription, or the right dosage. I can still function. I can do every thing I need to do for my family if not perfectly, the job still gets done. My problem is not terminal. My problem isn't even all that expensive. What I need month to month is comparably so little to what other people have to spend. I must tell you that I normally HATE answers like that. If I share something that I am struggling with with someone and they give me an answer along the lines of, "Oh, it could be so much worse because....Oh, you don't have it nearly as bad as..." It comes off like they are dismissing my pain. Its counseling 101, people, never dismiss someone's pain. This time with God, it didn't come across like He was dismissing me. He was freeing me to be thankful in my circumstances and to praise Him for all the goes right in my body without medical intervention. The next question "Why did you give this problem to ME and not to Her? It wouldn't hurt her as badly as this hurts me. You made me. You know me in and out. You know what I want more than anything else. Why are you making this a struggle for ME and not giving this problem to someone else who probably wouldn't even really care?" The answer came again. "Because this is what gets your attention. I know what matters to you, and I know what will bring you to dependence on Me. I want your attention and dependence on Me because that is what is best for you. I gave Her other struggles. The hand of cards you were dealt are different than hers. Some of your cards are bad, and some are good. The same goes for Her. She endures struggles that you know nothing about. The struggle you do know about, you couldn't handle that one. That one is for her. She can handle it. The things I have given You, and the things I have given your friends are different. They are uniquely personal. Your hardships grow your faith in Me, and give Me room to work and show off how Great I Am." That has been my gift lately. For the first time instead of feeling resentful towards God for the hardships life brings I am grateful. It brings freedom, relief, joy, and contentment to not have to be angry with God for all I think is going wrong. I see it for what it is. My Thing is drawing me to dependence and a faith that I haven't had before. A need for His presence as strong as my need for the next breath. Disclaimer: If you are reading this, and you feel like you NEED to know what this hardship is specifically, believe me, you don't really. If you are very close to me, rest assured, I have already told you. It isn't anything new. If you have no idea what I am talking about, trust me, you don't want my dirty laundry aired out of all to see. One of my heroes of faith, Beth Moore, has never given public details regarding her past sexual abuse because it does nothing to add to the testimony of her story, it just takes away from the message, and I have decided to follow her lead. The details aren't important. The message is the same: No matter what life throws at me, God is FOR Me, and FOR you, and everything is meant to draw us closer to Him if we will let it.

Bye, Bear

Well, I am ready to talk about it. Bear had to have a new home. It made me really sad, but it was for the best. He is a really great dog, and it wasn't him...it was us. I was allergic to his beautiful yet plentiful brown coat. I also made the mistake of getting a puppy. I had read how Newfoundlands are one of the best dogs with children--and they ARE! He came from a home with two small boys and the mother in the home said he never hurt the kids and was really great with them. I am not sure how entirely true that is. He was certainly tolerant of their behavior, but being a puppy he still wanted to play and it was a little too rough for a 3 and 1 year old. His gigantic puppy playfulness scared them. I had to be on constant guard to make sure he wouldn't really hurt them. Or destroy something. In all his puppy glory he loved to chew on the kids' toys and grab food off the table. These adorable puppy behaviors combined with trying to keep up with Noah's turned wild behaviors was a little, shall we say, exhausting and stressful?? So, I had a dog that I spent a very large amount of money on (the actual total costs still make me a bit ill) was allergic to and scared the children. Great. I put an add on oodle to see what would happen. I started getting contacted by lots of people but I just didn't think they sounded like a good match for Bear. I wanted him to have the perfect family. So I started praying, and praying that God would send just the right family for him. The family he is meant to have forever. 15 minutes later I checked my email. While I was praying someone emailed me, and described her family. 4 kids (all much older than mine), they loved water sports, they have a big dog already and know whats involved in training big dogs. Stay-at-home mom so he wouldn't be by himself all day...I couldn't have designed a better match. I met them and kind of fell in love. I think Bear did, too. They took him home on Monday and I have seen his pictures on facebook (the mom in the family is so sweet, she is letting me keep in touch by facebook) and you can tell he just loves the kids in the family. I feel sad it didn't work out, but my heart is very glad that a family was made so happy by such a great dog. Maybe in another 10 years we can try again.

The newest addition to the Key Family

I haven't blogged since January?! What am I doing with my time? Geez. Ok, I confess, if I have free time I read and play on the internet.

Anyway, we have a new addition to the Key household.

It's Another BOY!!!!!!



There are many good things about him. As you see here, he values nap time, just as I do.

He also hasn't reacted when Noah pulled his tail and poked his face. He is a saint. I know it.

He is a NewFoundland. He is 7 months old. He is a gentle giant. He came with the name Jameson. I am going to try and rename him Smoky Bear. Or Smokey the Bear. Such a big decision. Dare I add the "the" to his name?

What can I say? My desires to nurture run strong and deep. I haven't had a baby for 20 months! Definitely time for a dog.

Wrong!

A while ago I wrote a blog trying to work out if people married with children were happier than their single peers. According to this article:
http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/

I am WRONG. People with children are not happier. It is a very well written article, and if you have time you should read it if you are interested. After thinking about it for a few days I put into my own words what I think is true about the article on why people with children are not as happy as their single with no children friends. They are as follows:

Cultural Change. Previous generations did not have a choice in whether or not they would get married and have children. That is just what they did. In the 21st century our country changed from people were farmers and raised their children to be their helpers (children were assets) to people raising their children to be little scholars which requires riding their backs to do their homework, to be elite in the classroom and on sports teams. We require far more focus as parents on our children. We let them be children. We treat them as if they owe us nothing and we do every thing we can to help them get ahead. Generations before us were less focused on their children. They taught them to work, to help, and gave minimal attention to schooling. Each succeeding generation has been raised to be more and more selfish because their parents have made them more of the center of the universe. People are waiting to get married and have children so they can go to school. They have choice over if they marry, when, and who. They have choice over if they have children, when, how many. When they make the shift from single to married with children they go from being the most self-centered generation yet to being required to be the most child-focused parent generation yet. It is a mind-blowing change. When they are asked about their happiness they probably DO feel more depressed. They are more tired and less self-focused than ever before, and it is exhausting. They have forgotten the loneliness and insecurities they felt as a single person and romanticize their former happiness. I do hypothesize though, that parents may feel more moment to moment happiness and than their perceived overall happiness. Example: Many parents have many moments of delight with their children throughout their day. Their little baby smiling. Their toddler saying something adorable. Their older child playing a trick. It is forgotten when they think of sleepless nights, power plays and disobedience.

What do YOU think?

Stir Crazy

We have had two back to back episodes of the stomach flu around here. I didn't even know that was possible. It started the Friday before Thanksgiving on Noah's birthday weekend. The kids started throwing up. They felt miserable. Sunday they seemed a little better, and Monday they were fine. I took them to the gym as usual. I couldn't do my usual workout with out my heart rate at 172 which was strange. By Monday evening on Nathan's long work day I had the sickness too. Tuesday night Ethan woke up 5 times vomiting again. Then Noah started having worse episodes of the poops. It continued until the Saturday after Thanksgiving when I caught the second round of it, 1 day after I recovered from the first. I feel better now, and now Noah has a cold. Why do I bother telling you? Well, because the kids are getting stir crazy and its really getting quite funny.

Ethan has always been the kind of guy that likes to get out of the house. Since I have been too sick to take him anywhere and he is feeling better he is getting really antsy. When he gets bored he invents new, dangerous games. He tries to find new things to jump off of and Noah thinks its awesome, and before he came down with the cold, he was all about attempting the same daredevil activities as Ethan. Other games invented include Ethan making pictures with Cheerios and then freaking out when Noah ate an integral piece of the picture, Ethan dialing the operator over and over and telling her he wants to watch tv and then holding the phone out to Noah so Noah could say, "Bah." When I poured out the last of the V8 Fusion juice into Ethan's cup this morning (which he doesn't even like) he started jumping up and down saying, "Its all gone! We need to go to the store to get more!!!" Can you say Desperate For Somewhere to GO?!

On another note, since the sickness I don't want any of my usual favorite foods, including coffee, chocolate, oatmeal, toast, turkey sandwiches, apples, peanut butter. What am I supposed to EAT?? My appetite is back and I am starving. Please post ideas.

Frosty

Something wild just happened. Both boys woke up prematurely from their nap, and I talked them into going back to sleep. A first in my motherhood career. So I decided to write a blog because I left my book in Noah's room.

There are some days when I really think I could breastfeed Noah until he is 1. I am almost there. 3 months to go. It doesn't seem like that long. Then something happens like last night. Nathan and I were watching Office reruns as usual and Michael mentions wanting a Frosty. The urge to have a Frosty overcame me so greatly I almost couldn't take it. Or I will drive by an Italian restaurant and smell cheese. My mouth starts watering with the scent. I want dairy so badly. I WANT A FROSTY!!!

Then I say to myself, really Beth? You are going to cut breastfeeding short because you want a Frosty? Have you no self control, woman? Seriously.

Sigh. Like I have a choice. The weaning to a cup thing is going very slowly. I mean, its going. Just. So. Slow.

Oh, and Noah is learning to sleep a little better. So some nights I can get 6-8 interrupted hours. Victory. Almost. He still wakes up once or twice and needs assistance in getting back to sleep. The last two nights I have gone in there and he is standing up and he starts laughing and dancing when he sees me coming. Nice.

Ethan the Empathizer

I bought the Sunday paper yesterday because I am going to start couponing--maybe. Anyway, the paper was lying where Ethan could get it and he pulled out the comics section. His eyes landed on The Peanuts. In the comic Lucy hands Snoopy and balloon and tells him not to lose it, and of course, he does in the comic strip. Ethan starts yelling,

"OH NO! OH NO! The doggy! Balloon! Sad! Balloon! I sad! I sad!" Repeat like 5 times. He is near tears and I had to reassure him that it was ok, that the doggy could get another balloon at the store several times.

Oh, and another funny about Ethan. I often say to him, "Just a minute, Ethan." When he is calling me to come to him from another room. Yesterday he climbed into the bathtub and started making a lot of noise with his bath toys and Noah was sleeping in the next room so I asked him to please get out of the bathroom and come into the playroom, and he said, "Just a minute, Momma!" Same tone, and voice inflection of my own. I guess he told me!