In talking with other women who have gone through the child bearing process I am pretty sure it is an accurate assessment to say that women either Love their obstetrician or they have deep feelings of disdain. For me, during the last pregnancy, it was Love at First Visit. This is in a way, a love tribute, to Dr. Dawn Scheve. On the first visit she informed me that she too, has PCOS, my condition that causes weight gain, difficulty losing weight, acne, man-hair, and infertility. I have experienced all but the man-hair, thank God. I felt an immediate kinship with her since she could sympathize with my struggles. She was very laid-back and always reassuring. She praised me often for my not excessive weight-gain during pregnancy and perfect blood-pressure. She would introduce me to her students as her "perfect patient" and "laid-back patient." One way to win my heart is through sincere praise. I also adored her nurse, Beth. There were few people in Seattle I felt like I could be good friends with. She was one of them. I could picture us eating popcorn and watching the Office together. Another great part about that doctor office was the receptionist up front. She was just like Angela in the Office. At first i was put off by her rudeness but then I realized she looked and acted just like Angela. It made her so funny to me. I shared this with Beth, and Dr. Scheve who both appropriately admired my assessment of Angela the Receptionist.
The one thing that makes me sad about leaving Seattle is not having Dawn Scheve and Beth there for my pregnancy. It brought me to tears one day. That is how deep my love runs for them.
I called to schedule an appointment with a doctor in Orlando today and already I can tell they are different. I am at risk for getting a man doctor. I was appalled when looking up doctors how few obs are women in Orlando. WHAT?! What man wants to do that? What women wants him to? I feel very strongly about having a women. First, those are my female parts being examined. Second, I do not want someone delivering my baby who has not done it themselves before because there is no experience like your own. I ended up going with the office that is associated with Winnie Palmer that has the fewest male to female ratio. 9 women in the office, 3 men. Please, God, don't let there be a man examining my parts. Surely, that is not your Will for my life.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Beth Key and the No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Day
Ok, so it wasn't the worst day ever. Kate, Jenn, and Melyssa came over and brought two kids that played with Ethan while we ate food and talked about scary homebirths. Kate read Oswald Chambers. That was the good part. The rest was the no good horrible very bad day.
Ethan has been cranky for pretty much the last two weeks. He took one brief intermission when Abbie and Eldin came to visit, but that is about it. He seems tired, but I can't force him to sleep. I offer him food often, so he isn't hungry. I give him ibprofen in case he is teething, so he shouldn't be in too much pain. I don't know what the deal is. He cries when he doesn't get what he wants now which is so not cute. He has been having EXTREME separation anxiety issues. He cries if I walk into another room. He wants to be held all the time. I cannot do this. One Reason is that he is 24lbs and I can't carry that all day. Another Reason is I need two hands on occasion.
Today if I washed his bottles at the sink, he stood by me tugging on my leg and cried to the entire 10 minutes. He cried while I cooked dinner. He cried any time I went out of his eye line. He cried if he crawled across the room and saw I was far away. He cried when he played with his toys and realized he needed a hug. As his mother, and the person on the planet that has the greatest biological connection to him, I find it heartbreaking to hear him cry. It is very stressful for both of us. I try to avoid it when possible. This had been happening for going on ten hours when I tried to get the ham out of the oven. Ham juice spilled all in the oven because I didn't realize that I wouldn't be able to lift it out of the oven with one hand, and a toddler on the hip. There was no way I could set Ethan down and realistically expect him to not grab the oven door. I set the ham on the oven door (oven open) yelled at the dog to not even think about going near it or she would get her ass kicked to the other side of town, ran the baby into his crib and set him down and hid his Soothie so he could find it, like a game, ran back to get the ham. Not done. Drats. I repeat this putting the baby in his crib and running back to get the ham out of the oven several times. Finally, I think it is done. Then the baby starts crying hard core in the other room. I take off the oven mitts set them on top of the stove and go and pick him up. Then I hear the smoke alarm. Thinking the ham juice is burning inside the oven I don't get too concerned. I leave Ethan in the living room(crying). I walk into the kitchen and see the oven mitts are on fire. I apparently had left the burner on from when I cooked the glaze on the stove top. I grab them (stupid in hindsight--burned my thumb and finger)throw them in the sink and dowse them in water. Fire gone. Meanwhile the smoke detector is getting louder and louder and so is Ethan's crying. The apartment is filled with smoke. So I did the only logical thing any mother would do. I pick up the baby. I open the windows. I grab my cell phone. Ethan and I go outside to wait for the smoke to clear. I call my husband. And start to bawl.
"Nathan...I started a fire!."
Oh, and I overcooked the ham while putting out the fire. At least my mashed potatoes were awesome.
Ethan has been cranky for pretty much the last two weeks. He took one brief intermission when Abbie and Eldin came to visit, but that is about it. He seems tired, but I can't force him to sleep. I offer him food often, so he isn't hungry. I give him ibprofen in case he is teething, so he shouldn't be in too much pain. I don't know what the deal is. He cries when he doesn't get what he wants now which is so not cute. He has been having EXTREME separation anxiety issues. He cries if I walk into another room. He wants to be held all the time. I cannot do this. One Reason is that he is 24lbs and I can't carry that all day. Another Reason is I need two hands on occasion.
Today if I washed his bottles at the sink, he stood by me tugging on my leg and cried to the entire 10 minutes. He cried while I cooked dinner. He cried any time I went out of his eye line. He cried if he crawled across the room and saw I was far away. He cried when he played with his toys and realized he needed a hug. As his mother, and the person on the planet that has the greatest biological connection to him, I find it heartbreaking to hear him cry. It is very stressful for both of us. I try to avoid it when possible. This had been happening for going on ten hours when I tried to get the ham out of the oven. Ham juice spilled all in the oven because I didn't realize that I wouldn't be able to lift it out of the oven with one hand, and a toddler on the hip. There was no way I could set Ethan down and realistically expect him to not grab the oven door. I set the ham on the oven door (oven open) yelled at the dog to not even think about going near it or she would get her ass kicked to the other side of town, ran the baby into his crib and set him down and hid his Soothie so he could find it, like a game, ran back to get the ham. Not done. Drats. I repeat this putting the baby in his crib and running back to get the ham out of the oven several times. Finally, I think it is done. Then the baby starts crying hard core in the other room. I take off the oven mitts set them on top of the stove and go and pick him up. Then I hear the smoke alarm. Thinking the ham juice is burning inside the oven I don't get too concerned. I leave Ethan in the living room(crying). I walk into the kitchen and see the oven mitts are on fire. I apparently had left the burner on from when I cooked the glaze on the stove top. I grab them (stupid in hindsight--burned my thumb and finger)throw them in the sink and dowse them in water. Fire gone. Meanwhile the smoke detector is getting louder and louder and so is Ethan's crying. The apartment is filled with smoke. So I did the only logical thing any mother would do. I pick up the baby. I open the windows. I grab my cell phone. Ethan and I go outside to wait for the smoke to clear. I call my husband. And start to bawl.
"Nathan...I started a fire!."
Oh, and I overcooked the ham while putting out the fire. At least my mashed potatoes were awesome.
Monday, March 30, 2009
McDonald's
I don't eat fast food. I gave it up when my eating disorder quest began 9 years ago. Even though I am over the eating disorder, I never got back into eating fast food. I always feel greasy and disgusting after eating. I don't feel I have made good life choices. Unless I am pregnant.
We had just moved to Seattle during the first pregnancy. I picked Nathan up from work because his boss still hadn't secured him a parking space downtown. I called him when I reached his building.
"I need you to google Arby's before you come down here."
"Why?"
"I need it. Just do it. I'm starving. It has to be Arby's."
He comes down to the car about 5 minutes later. We drive up and down either 2nd or 3rd Street looking for it. After 20 minutes or so Nathan suggested giving up.
If you have ever been pregnant, you know that when you are hungry, you need to eat NOW. Not 10 minutes from now. It had been past 10 minutes and I was getting a little frantic. I couldn't not have my craving. It was the only thing that sounded like an acceptable meal.
"The only other one is in Burien." Nathan informed me. Burien is south of Seattle. I immediately turn the car on to 99 and head to Burien. I didn't know where to go once I got there but I was confident my sixth sense would kick in and I would find the Arby's. I am really proud to say...I did it. The craving was satisfied and it was all that I ever hoped it would be. It was a close call though.
This morning I woke up and nothing sounded good. Nothing. I reconciled myself that the new baby and I would have to wait until lunch time to eat because all breakfast food sounded repulsive. I have even given up coffee. Then it struck me. I absolutely had to have a Sausage Egg and Cheese Biscuit from McDonald's. Then I tried to talk sense into myself. I don't like fast food. I will feel icky. I will regret this life choice. I will spend money. I was getting hungrier and hungrier and Ethan had been fussy all morning. I decided, if that is the only thing that sounds good, and I have to endure his bad mood, I might as well do it happy. I drove 2 seconds away to the nearest McDonald's (looove where i live). I also got Orange Juice which my new baby also wanted. I hate Orange Juice. I took it back home. The lady got my order wrong. It was just a Sausage Biscuit. Murderous thoughts run through my mind as I think of the overweight chick who took my order. I banish them. She probably misheard me. Ethan begins to cry big fat tears and screaming quite loudly. I guess hunger is his problem. I quickly scramble and egg for us to share and put my half on my Sausage Biscuit. I alternate between taking bites for myself and drinking juice and shoving egg in Ethan's mouth. Sigh. I feel happy and content. After a fast food experience.
We had just moved to Seattle during the first pregnancy. I picked Nathan up from work because his boss still hadn't secured him a parking space downtown. I called him when I reached his building.
"I need you to google Arby's before you come down here."
"Why?"
"I need it. Just do it. I'm starving. It has to be Arby's."
He comes down to the car about 5 minutes later. We drive up and down either 2nd or 3rd Street looking for it. After 20 minutes or so Nathan suggested giving up.
If you have ever been pregnant, you know that when you are hungry, you need to eat NOW. Not 10 minutes from now. It had been past 10 minutes and I was getting a little frantic. I couldn't not have my craving. It was the only thing that sounded like an acceptable meal.
"The only other one is in Burien." Nathan informed me. Burien is south of Seattle. I immediately turn the car on to 99 and head to Burien. I didn't know where to go once I got there but I was confident my sixth sense would kick in and I would find the Arby's. I am really proud to say...I did it. The craving was satisfied and it was all that I ever hoped it would be. It was a close call though.
This morning I woke up and nothing sounded good. Nothing. I reconciled myself that the new baby and I would have to wait until lunch time to eat because all breakfast food sounded repulsive. I have even given up coffee. Then it struck me. I absolutely had to have a Sausage Egg and Cheese Biscuit from McDonald's. Then I tried to talk sense into myself. I don't like fast food. I will feel icky. I will regret this life choice. I will spend money. I was getting hungrier and hungrier and Ethan had been fussy all morning. I decided, if that is the only thing that sounds good, and I have to endure his bad mood, I might as well do it happy. I drove 2 seconds away to the nearest McDonald's (looove where i live). I also got Orange Juice which my new baby also wanted. I hate Orange Juice. I took it back home. The lady got my order wrong. It was just a Sausage Biscuit. Murderous thoughts run through my mind as I think of the overweight chick who took my order. I banish them. She probably misheard me. Ethan begins to cry big fat tears and screaming quite loudly. I guess hunger is his problem. I quickly scramble and egg for us to share and put my half on my Sausage Biscuit. I alternate between taking bites for myself and drinking juice and shoving egg in Ethan's mouth. Sigh. I feel happy and content. After a fast food experience.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Glimpse of our Marriage: For Megan
Every night we try to give Ethan one last bottle before we go to bed so that he will sleep as long as possible without waking from hunger. Sometimes he will take the bottle, and sometimes he won't. The times that he will, it is usually when I feed him and the times that he won't is usually Nathan giving it a shot. Last night I let Nathan take a turn. I was tired. The dialogue went something like this:
"Does he need a bottle?" Nathan
"Yes"Beth. Nathan pauses to see if I am going to do it. I use my nonverbals (getting under the covers and closing my eyes) to communicate that it is going to be his turn. Nathan goes into the kitchen and comes back.
"I can't do it." Nathan
"Try putting it into his mouth." Beth
"I can't find it." Nathan
"Try the middle of his face." Beth. Nathan tries not to laugh.
"I did that." Nathan. I give a huge exaggerated sigh. I take the baby and try to give him the bottle. His hair smells like Nathan's armpit. I inform Nathan of this.
"What do my armpits smell like?"
"Smell his hair and find out."
Nathan sniffs. "I don't smell anything. Must be your enhanced sense of smell from pregnancy. Or maybe you are making it up."
"Uh, I definitely know what your armpits smell like, ok?"
Ethan turns his head.
"Ok. That means he doesn't want it." I hand the bottle to Nathan. "Can you wash that out?" I start getting Ethan back into a nice sleep state.
Nathan comes back and gets into bed. For some reason I do not understand he takes the baby from me and cuddles with him. Whatever. I turn to my comfy place and close my eyes.
"I forgot my phone. I need it for the alarm in the morning." Nathan
"Wow. I hope you can wake up without it. Or be okay with not going to work." Beth
"I need you to go and get it for me." Nathan
"I can't. I am sleeping." Beth
"No, you are not." Nathan. I begin to fake snore.
"Come on. Please."Nathan
"Get Piper to do it. She's up." Beth
"Its on the top of the counter." Nathan
"Piper? Did you hear that?" Beth
"Beth."
Another exaggerated sigh. I get up and get his cell phone.
"Does he need a bottle?" Nathan
"Yes"Beth. Nathan pauses to see if I am going to do it. I use my nonverbals (getting under the covers and closing my eyes) to communicate that it is going to be his turn. Nathan goes into the kitchen and comes back.
"I can't do it." Nathan
"Try putting it into his mouth." Beth
"I can't find it." Nathan
"Try the middle of his face." Beth. Nathan tries not to laugh.
"I did that." Nathan. I give a huge exaggerated sigh. I take the baby and try to give him the bottle. His hair smells like Nathan's armpit. I inform Nathan of this.
"What do my armpits smell like?"
"Smell his hair and find out."
Nathan sniffs. "I don't smell anything. Must be your enhanced sense of smell from pregnancy. Or maybe you are making it up."
"Uh, I definitely know what your armpits smell like, ok?"
Ethan turns his head.
"Ok. That means he doesn't want it." I hand the bottle to Nathan. "Can you wash that out?" I start getting Ethan back into a nice sleep state.
Nathan comes back and gets into bed. For some reason I do not understand he takes the baby from me and cuddles with him. Whatever. I turn to my comfy place and close my eyes.
"I forgot my phone. I need it for the alarm in the morning." Nathan
"Wow. I hope you can wake up without it. Or be okay with not going to work." Beth
"I need you to go and get it for me." Nathan
"I can't. I am sleeping." Beth
"No, you are not." Nathan. I begin to fake snore.
"Come on. Please."Nathan
"Get Piper to do it. She's up." Beth
"Its on the top of the counter." Nathan
"Piper? Did you hear that?" Beth
"Beth."
Another exaggerated sigh. I get up and get his cell phone.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Could Have Been So Much Worse
Ethan has been sleeping terribly which means I have been sleeping even more terribly. He woke up cranky. He didn't want me to do anything but hold him. He cried if I put him down. He screamed if Nathan tried to touch him. He took a 20 minute nap in the morning when I so desperately needed to sleep. The crying when I put him down routine continued. Then Kate came over and took him on a walk so I could take a shower. Followed by Jenn and my new pal Melyssa. We had breakfast, and they tried to cheer Ethan up. It didn't work, but it really touched my heart that they tried. When they left he took a two and a half hour nap and woke up happy. He didn't get clinging for another couple of hours. I think he is going through a bit of a rough patch because he is upset his dad isn't around all the time. I think he might be worried that I am going to leave too or something.
As I was reflecting on my day I realized how I am so very lucky to live in Orlando now. If I had lived in Seattle, I wouldn't have had the Delights of My Heart Ladies to come and visit and give me a reprieve of CrankyPantsBaby. So, my day really wasn't that bad.
As I was reflecting on my day I realized how I am so very lucky to live in Orlando now. If I had lived in Seattle, I wouldn't have had the Delights of My Heart Ladies to come and visit and give me a reprieve of CrankyPantsBaby. So, my day really wasn't that bad.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Picture People: Sneaky Bastards!
I knew it could happen. I took my chances. I really love my sister-in-law, Christa. When she called me to ask if I would be interested in going to the Picture People at the Brandon Towne Center to get the babies' pictures taken together, I said YES. I would love to. I love getting together with Christa and Paige. Plus, Ethan likes to get out of the apartment and go on adventures. I told myself I would only buy pictures of them together. For the grandparents. That was it.
The trouble started when Paige didn't really feel like smiling for the camera during her solo pictures. And Ethan did. The camera lady kept snapping his pictures, and he kept smiling, clapping, and giving adorable baby poses as if he had been waiting his whole life to be a baby model. I watched in fascination as my child grinned straight at the camera and I knew our Discover Card statement would be a bit higher than usual.
It turned out to be worse than I thought. His pictures were more adorable than I could have imagined. How could my offspring have turned out so good-looking? I was totally screwed. Sigh. I did my best to control myself, but the urge to have them all was very great. Its as if I get some sort of drug high when I see cute pictures of my baby.
Click here to see what i am talking about. Username: angel83306@aol.com password: babypaige
http://smilestore.picturepeople.com/pn/tpp/home
The trouble started when Paige didn't really feel like smiling for the camera during her solo pictures. And Ethan did. The camera lady kept snapping his pictures, and he kept smiling, clapping, and giving adorable baby poses as if he had been waiting his whole life to be a baby model. I watched in fascination as my child grinned straight at the camera and I knew our Discover Card statement would be a bit higher than usual.
It turned out to be worse than I thought. His pictures were more adorable than I could have imagined. How could my offspring have turned out so good-looking? I was totally screwed. Sigh. I did my best to control myself, but the urge to have them all was very great. Its as if I get some sort of drug high when I see cute pictures of my baby.
Click here to see what i am talking about. Username: angel83306@aol.com password: babypaige
http://smilestore.picturepeople.com/pn/tpp/home
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Nachos
I did this the last time. I get a positive test and I question the results because the baby seems like an abstract concept. I don't look or feel pregnant. What if I am not really? I was relaying this particular fear to Nathan. He assured me of my knocked up state. Ethan and I went and took a nap (because I was awake from 3-5 worrying about my in-laws coming to visit after the baby comes). I woke up from the nap and I couldn't stop thinking about how good it would be to have baked beans over chips with cheese on top. I never eat chips. I only eat beans if I am making a step towards healthy eating because they are an all-natural form of carbs and protein all wrapped into one. Definitely not a pleasure food. Not only did I have to have it...I had to have it NOW. We proceeded to go to the store immediately. I ended up making chili over Nachos. A compromise for the sake of my marriage. Still good. I hope this new baby will keep our health in mind for future cravings. And I hope it is craving chili because we have a lot.
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